My husband lives with a condition called Meiners’ disease. To explain in my husband’s terms, “it is as if I have been placed in a dryer, tossing around over and over with no relief.” I have watched his eyes roll back in his head, held a bucket under him for eight hours straight, and physically tried to carry him into our home. We were told there is no cure for Meiners’ disease, but we were offered several treatment options to help with remission.
We became desperate for clarity and wisdom, but mostly for God to take it away. In the waiting, He was getting physically, mentally, and spiritually tired. My sweet, spirited, loving, kind, and always torturing me with jokes, husband became disconnected, downtrodden, and sad. And as his caregiver, I became bitter.
During one of the hardest seasons of this terrible disease (when he was saying goodbye to his mother- stress being a culprit to Meiners), the episodes began to intensify. Mike was having them every day, and I began to think this was going to be our life. It felt unfair. I cried out to God!
“God, if you are not going to change my situation, then you are going to have to change me.”
It was time for another treatment, and I will never forget the doctor’s words that day as He began to explain to us that Mike was in the final stages of Meiners.
“For something to live, something must die.”
Mike had lost eighty percent of his hearing, which opened a door for a different type of treatment, an injection that caused his ear to separate from his brain. For the episodes to stop, all communication to the ear had to die.
“But God,” the words I used when He shows up right on time with His plan, like only He can.
Remember my prayer of desperation? “God, if you are not going to change my situation, then you are going to have to change me.”
God began to open my eyes and allow me to see Him in every detail. God protected Mike by never allowing an episode while He was driving. He always had someone to replace him when Mike had to leave work abruptly. God even sent messages of confirmation to take our next steps when I attended a meeting one Saturday. A devotion was given on the parable of the seed: “Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.” – John 12:24, and these words rang out a second time, “for something to live, something must die.”
God was making a way for Mike to live his life whole again. Healing was already taking place, and God was changing my heart, too.
Sometimes, God allows us to walk through a journey of learning who He is before He heals us or answers our prayers. Throughout the bible, the Lord uses these words, “so they will know that I am the Lord God.” We can trust him even when we do not understand.
He revealed Himself in blessings and suffering. Jesus can relate to an unfair life. For us to live, He had to die. There is purpose in the pain because God wastes nothing.
We must learn to draw closer to Him. He strengthens us, we feel safer, become wiser, trust more, and we get to see Him work. And most importantly, we learn to love Him more as we are changed.
What needs to die for you to live? I challenge you to ask God to show you where He needs to breathe new life. It looks nothing like what you are expecting. He has a plan and purpose for you, and He is not done yet!
“For Something to Live, Something Must Die”